If I'm Honest

I have infertility…..
I hate it…..
I hate that I have to deal with the "When are you going to have children" questions.
I hate that I have to stare in the face of fertility fear, pain and guilt all the time. ALL THE TIME.
I hate that my friends don't know what to say to me about it.
I hate my friends feel awkward telling me their successes.
I hate it…..

I have no idea how to talk about my infertility. Most of the time I'm just honest with everyone… which is exhausting.. because when you get asked "When are you going to have children" it takes me nearly an hour to tell my story and half the time the woman I tell about it end up needing conforming from me because they don't know how to react.  That makes it more exhausting.

Then I spend the next 30 minutes listening to them tell me every success story they know of IVF or miracle pregnancies. I have heard a lot of these now….

Honestly I don't want to hear anymore of these stories because they DO NOT make me feel better. Actually they make me feel even more infertile.

I never act rudely to these stories because I know the person telling me them means well and wants to give me hope. And I truly appreciate the sentiment. But I think a reassuring hug would make me feel better. Or just a pat on the back and a "thanks for sharing this information with me" statement would do.

Im not okay with my infertility, but I have no choice but to be "okay" with it.
Just like all the other things in life you are forced to be "okay" with like natural disasters and deaths of loved ones. Same deal. You don't want it.. but it happens to you anyway.

So I'm just being honest here.
I have no idea how to deal with this issue.. Im doing my best.
I don't really feel like talking about it. But if I do I will let you know.
I just needed to get it out there.
(and don't worry, I'm getting all the care in the world on this issue)