If I'm Honest

I have infertility…..
I hate it…..
I hate that I have to deal with the "When are you going to have children" questions.
I hate that I have to stare in the face of fertility fear, pain and guilt all the time. ALL THE TIME.
I hate that my friends don't know what to say to me about it.
I hate my friends feel awkward telling me their successes.
I hate it…..

I have no idea how to talk about my infertility. Most of the time I'm just honest with everyone… which is exhausting.. because when you get asked "When are you going to have children" it takes me nearly an hour to tell my story and half the time the woman I tell about it end up needing conforming from me because they don't know how to react.  That makes it more exhausting.

Then I spend the next 30 minutes listening to them tell me every success story they know of IVF or miracle pregnancies. I have heard a lot of these now….

Honestly I don't want to hear anymore of these stories because they DO NOT make me feel better. Actually they make me feel even more infertile.

I never act rudely to these stories because I know the person telling me them means well and wants to give me hope. And I truly appreciate the sentiment. But I think a reassuring hug would make me feel better. Or just a pat on the back and a "thanks for sharing this information with me" statement would do.

Im not okay with my infertility, but I have no choice but to be "okay" with it.
Just like all the other things in life you are forced to be "okay" with like natural disasters and deaths of loved ones. Same deal. You don't want it.. but it happens to you anyway.

So I'm just being honest here.
I have no idea how to deal with this issue.. Im doing my best.
I don't really feel like talking about it. But if I do I will let you know.
I just needed to get it out there.
(and don't worry, I'm getting all the care in the world on this issue)

Winter Time

Its winter in Perth again.
The rains have come back this year stronger then they have in years past. This is a great thing for Western Australia because it means we will have full damns this summer.
However all this rain makes things a little dreary and makes drying your laundry a struggle. I know I talk about that alot... but until you live with out a dryer in the winter you have no idea.

Heres what I've been up to!

My pots are coming along. Im picking these up this week!

Graham and Kit picked me up one night from work in June. I was surprised. Also surprised that I "had" to sit in the back because Kit was comfortable in the front seat. Love my two red cats!

Sadly my boss Pippa left Buzz in June. I was very sad to see her go. Im only just getting along without her in the office. I miss seeing her everyday and having our daily chats. We are good friends and I look forward to seeing her soon.

I took Sarah dancing. I even dressed her up. We had a fun night!

We have a new dance workshop at Buzz for kids aged 2-5 years old. Its based off a popular children's book called Giraffes Can't Dance. This is Nicole reading it to a bunch of very cute kids. I am so glad this workshop and book are going out on tour this year. WIN WIN!

This is me and my Kentucky Sister. April and I met in Perth but we could be related! April and her lovely (Aussie) hubby Wayne just welcomed their first child into the world in June. She was a little early (10 weeks) but she is doing great. April got tickets to see Keith Urban for Christmas from Wayne. All she wanted to do was go to this concert, and yes 1 week after having her baby girl April and I made it to the concert. It was a great night and I was delighted to be her guest. But the best part is just being this beautiful girls friend. She is the only other girl my age I know who is from the midwest and is married to an Australian. Im so glad the Lord brought our life journeys together. 

Great seats at Keith Urban. What a great night. Truly a talented and kind Artist. 

Thanks Santa Wayne and April for spoiling me!!!

Strait after the Keith Urban concert April and Wayne dropped me off at the airport for the redeye to Brisbane (other side of the country a 5 hour flight).

I spent a week in Brisbane at two confrences. The Major Performing Arts Forum for Education Officers and the International Teaching Artist Conference.  I had a wonderful time. I learnt so much and made new connections. 

A LARGE foldable book I made with some of my ITAC2 conference mates. A great way to extend literacy skills in the Pilbara and Kimberly. I look forward to showing Nicole this next week!

The Out of The Box children's festival was on while I was in Brisbane. This is a photo of the monster hotel. 

I wish I could bring my cat here as well.. This was a wish hanging off the wishing tree. 

Me at the wishing tree.

I ran into a amazing young artist while in Brisbane. LA based dancer Sadie was in town for the conference and it was wonderful to see her again. Sadie did secondment at Buzz in 2012. Watch out world Sadie's got you by the horns!! 

Graham has had a busy couple weeks. I have hardly seen him! He has been working shift hours in the ER in Midland. So glad this rotation is almost over. I miss seeing him in the evenings and having some time together on the weekend.
Although busy he has been well and enjoying the work he is doing.
I love you Razza!

Thats all from me!