A letter to Mama's to be

Gosh, there are some things I wish someone had told me before my birth experience.
So thought I would put a few of them here. Just in case someone runs across them in there hours of desperate internet searches before baby arrives.


Why is there so many things around birth and post birth no one ever talks about?
Heres some things I wish I had known..


What no one tells you..

C-Sections
You might be getting one of these, even if you are planning the natural birth you are set on. I was not prepared for how hard recovering from my c-section was.
Things you need to know:
You won't feel anything. Just a little pressure but no pain. Put your trust into the doctors around you. They do these all the time. You might feel very cold during it, and you might have very powerful shivering. If its more then you can handle ask your doctor to knock you out. You can stay away just long enough to see baby come out and then take a little nap. You'll likely wake up shortly after they close you up and you will still be able to breastfeed. Don't be shy about asking for help if your feeling scared or overwhelmed while on the table. Speak up!

Have the nurses show you ways of getting up out of bed, this was really hard for me. I struggled to get up and its important you do it safely.
You might be on a liquid diet for 2 days after your c-section, this can make you feel like you starving. Especially if you want through labour prior to the c-section.

Baby Blues
Births hidden gem. Some woman get this terribly and others not so bad. I got it bad. I felt completely out of control. It started around day 3 and peaked at day 8. It took a couple of weeks for it to even out. If your feeling like your downing in anxiety and sadness ask for help. But keep in mind that it will get better. Look at all the Mothers in your life. They endured this major shift in hormones and you will too. Remember it won't be like that forever. Do things to make yourself feel better. For me it was going on walks outside, giving my baby a bath, bonding with baby doing baby message. Talking about how I was feeling with close friends and family. Your not alone.

The sounds
New borns and Infants are loud. They make the weirdest sounds when they sleep. Be prepared that you will spend the first two weeks learning their sounds. All the sounds can be frightening at first, but as you learn more about your baby the easier it gets. But those first few nights at home can be hard till you learn what all the sounds mean.

Cluster Feeding
If you are breast feeding there is a common night (day 2 or 3) that the first cluster feed happens. Baby will suck and suck, it might get unsettled and cry, no matter what you do the baby will want to eat or it will cry. Sometimes this is made worse if your milk as not come in yet. (if you have had a c-section it is likely your milk will be late) DO A FORMULA FEED TOP UP. A what you say???? Formula Top Up. Yes. give they baby some food. by day 3 they are starting to get hungry.
However the cluster feeding is very important to your milk production so still follow babies cues. But be prepared with some formula. Just so everyone doesn't got crazy and you both get at least a little sleep.

Breast Feeding
It is hard. It is not easy and can feel very unnatural. Get advice early. Rent a pump for when you get home. Use the pump to help bring your milk on by using it for 15 minutes after every feed. Ask for help, get someone to your home, show them how baby is or isn't latching. Even if you think you have it right. Get someone in to check.  Ask every midwife for advice on breast feeding, everyone has a little different piece of advice. Use that call button in hospital. Ask lots of questions.
If you need to have a break to let you nipples heal do it early. Don't let them get too damaged before you get help. You can pump and feed baby. GET LOTS OF ADVICE.
It will feel like your showing everyone your breasts. But thats just how it is and its okay.
It gets easier, just stick with us. Get support.

Sterling Boy

Sterling Lyman Weaire-Buchanan arrived February 17th 2016. Just in time for the second act at 8:56pm via emergency c section.

He was a little surprised at birth but calmed down when he got to have cuddles with his Dad. Graham was amazing an excellent Dad from the start, doing first diapers/nappies and looking after me. The birth and recovery was difficult for me, but Graham was my hero. Im so thankful for such a loving and supportive husband. He sure loves his boy. A few days after Sterling arrived my parents arrived from the USA and so did Graham's from Sydney. We also welcomed Graham's Dad Craig for a few days when we got home from the hospital. It was lovely to have all the grandparents together for a few days. We had Karen and Stuart for 2 weeks and my parents for 6. Im so grateful for their support and wisdom.

So thankful to have this little boy in our lives!

 4 weeks old

Daddy and Sterling in the delivery room 

Mom's first hold! I think she is pretty happy in this photo!  

Sterling meeting his Grandpa Hank. 

Nan and Grandma! Grandma Karen's first cuddle!  

Poppy Stuart's frist hold! 

 My friend Sarah with Sterling. Sarah was support for Graham and for me during the birth. I was so glad she was there, especially for Graham as I was out of it for most of the time. She and Sterling will always have a special connection. 

2 weeks old

Time has passed quickly and now my boy is 3 months old. He is a happy, calm and kind baby. Im so grateful after all the trying, IVF, tears, and doubts this guy is with us. Thank you to the support of our many friends and family.  My friend Sarah and my Kentucky sister April made my hospital stay more bearable, and helped me through my pregnancy worries.

Thanks to everyone who prayed for us, thought of us and just lent me their shoulder in the past 3 years. Thank you for your love and support. Thanks to my work mates, Pippa, Fiona, Sarah, Nicole, Cadi, Kathleen, Thom, Rachael, Anna, Robyn and PJ who suffered through my IVF journey on the daily. Your patience and support meant a lot.
And to Cadi, who gave me her sardine car when she left Perth so could get to IVF appointments easier. Thank you, your gift keeps going.

To my boy

I love you

   Im so excited your here

- Your Mom

A letter to my baby boy.

Dear Baby Boy,

This week your 34 weeks old from the moment your cells sparked and divided into the little person you are growing into.

Your Dad and I have been waiting a long time to meet you... Years in fact... Now that its only a few weeks away till the day we get to meet we have so many feelings and emotions coming to the surface.

Your Dad is thinking about you every day. At night he feels you kick my belly with his hand and smiles. Sometimes you'll be kicking away and I will put your Dad's hand on my belly.. but you suddenly go quite. I think you know he must be watching. Tonight he held up some of your clothes and said "I can't believe we will have a little boy this big one day". I agree its hard to believe too! We have been waiting so so long to meet you.

How long? Well, at least 7 years. We got married 10 years ago, and didn't want to have a baby right away I was 23 and your Dad was 24. We still had some growing to do. Lucky for me and your Dad we got to do a lot of growing together, we had lots of adventures, learnt a lot of important things about being good partners to each other. By the time I was 27 I was ready to meet you, ready to have a little person to love and cuddle. I didn't know I was in for a long wait at the time. While waiting for you it was hard not to feel a little down sometimes...
But when I look back, I think you have come at the perfect time. Im so glad your Dad and I got to spend 10 years together trying to become good, strong, hard working people. I think we will be better parents to you for it. I also have lots of embarrassing stories to tell you about your Dad, which I know will come in handy as you grow up.

Im not nervous to become your Mom. Im hopeful.
I hope I take all these new changes in my stride, and overcome any obstacles we might face the same way I have overcome all the other obstacles in my life. One day at a time. Even one minutes at a time if need be. I hope I am patient and kind, loving and understanding, and only firm with you when its to your own benefit.

Your being born into a small but loving family, you have a Nana (Pat) and Grandma (Karen) that can't wait to meet you. You have a Grandpa (Hank), a Pa (Stuart) and a Pop (Craig) who all can't wait to be your best mate. You have an Uncle Simon who will be your biggest fan and if you play your cards right will spoil you rotten (he's a softy). You have lots of extended family and friends who are all waiting to greet you too. Your roots will cross two countries. Australia and America.

Im so thankful your almost here! I know both your Dad and I are about to fall in love with you, I can't wait to see your Dad hold you! Its the part I am looking forward to the most. Because I love you and your Dad more then anything in the world.  Im so so glad your Dad and I get to have a little boy like you to love.

See you soon Baby boy..
Your Mom is ready and waiting!

Thanksgiving as an Expat

Thanksgiving is a special occasion as an Expat. Its kind of like a secret holiday only Americans (and Canadians) know about.
If its November and your living abroad you only have to ask a fellow Expat one question "What are you doing for Thanksgiving". To warm their heart through and through.

For my friends and family yet to experience this holiday outside of the US. I just want to share a few of the interesting things that go on in the Expat community in the lead up to Thanksgiving celebrations.

First of all I live in Australia so my experiences are coming from within an Australian context and these change from location to location.

Expat Thanksgiving - 2015 style

Thanksgiving is celebrated the weekend after Thanksgiving day. So everyone has time to cook.

There is no Black Friday... nope... not even a thing. Its just a normal day.

Many generous Expats put on a Thanksgiving dinner and open their homes to people they have never met. You get used to sitting next to people from all over the USA and the world, in a total strangers house. Its a great way to make new friends.

You most likely attend more then 1 Thanksgiving celebration.

In the lead up to Thanksgiving a huge amount of time goes into sourcing ingredients from home to make your must have holiday dish.

Social media pages become full of notices telling you where they still have 1 can of pumpkin pie filling left. Desperate calls for who has seen a "whole" frozen turkey for sale, or who got the butcher to order one in take up more of your time then you like to admit.

You wonder why canned french split green beans and frenches onions are not stocked in your local store. Also why can't you find canned congealed cranberry?? (this may only apply to you if your from the midwest)

You attempt only once to make pumpkin pie from scratch.. then you realise there are 1000 types of pumpkin and some mysterious verity makes the kind of pie you are longing for... what that verity is... is still unknown.. So you give up and continue searching for the canned verity that tastes so good with such little effort.
You realise Americans love canned food more then almost anyone else.

You get major popularity points at any celebration if you have actual Thanksgiving decorations, plates, napkins or themed clothing. You never wanted a Thanksgiving themed shirt or sweater so bad.

In your spare time you feel compelled to make a turkey drawing... the kind you did in Kindergarden by tracing your hand and decorating your fingers as feathers...

You are extremely thankful you know at least 1 other American who is as homesick as you.
You are grateful for the small things.. your thankful for your fellow countrymen.
Your thankful to have family, although far away who love and miss you.

Thanksgiving is a hidden holiday for me now, but one I celebrate all the same, just with some new traditions added on.

This year on Thanksgiving Day I plan on putting up our Christmas Tree, watching a few good holiday movies and making a nice thanksgiving meal for just me and Graham. Kit cat loves the holiday too cause it means his favorite indoor tree reappears for his enjoyment.

Happy Thanksgiving 2015!

2015 was the year!!

When you have infertility, and its been a long road, you can't help but think with every passing life event or holiday.. will we have a baby this time next year? Will we have a baby after this is done? Will we be next after this friend has a baby?
Will this year be the year??

In March I decided to cut back working full time and move to part time work so Graham and I could give our latest IVF attempt the best chance. Well it was a good choice. We ended up getting 5 embryos and on my first frozen transfer baby boy decided to stick! Today I am 26 weeks Pregnant and we are over the moon!
Graham and I are very excited to be having a little boy due March 3rd.
Its been a long road for us. But I am so grateful we have gotten this far. Its been a healthy happy pregnancy, with a big fast growing baby. I pray every night that this little one goes full term and comes out a healthy and wiggling.

We did this frozen embryo transfer shortly after Graham's Nan Marj passed away in May. I like to think she made her way up to the afterlife and told our little boy to hurry up and get down here.  She knew how long we had been trying for a baby. Part of me feels life she opened the door.

Im sure in the next 12 months this blog might turn into the baby show. Im giving you fare warning now.
XOXO

Goodbye Nan

On Mothers Day 2015 we lost Graham's Nan Marj Weaire after a 6 month battle with brain cancer. We travelled to Sydney to be with her only child Graham's Dad for the funeral and to give Marj a proper send off.

This is what I want to say about Nan - as read at her funeral 

I met Marj 10 years ago. First we only spoke on the phone while Graham and I lived in Indiana in the USA. In 2006 I met Marj for the first time.

She was the first friend I had in Australia, She was also my Aussie Nan.

I feel so honoured I got to spend so much time with her, especially in the first few years I lived in Australia. We were fast friends.

We went on many outings together in those early years while Graham and I lived in Sydney

            -We went to museums and art galleries

            - We got to hear the large organ in the Sydney Town Hall played by one of the best organ players in the world.

            - We saw Andrea Reau at Sydney Olympic Park. And we got terribly lost on the way home, but we eventually found our way back to Homedale Crescent.  She was brave to let her American granddaughter drive her around at night.

            - We had many coffee’s together and explored the Sydney botanical garden together, always visiting the fruit bats.

As a new resident to Australia Marj taught me how to navigate Australian grocery stores, fruit and veg shops and butchers, all-important things I needed to learn. She was a great teacher.

Marj and I spent hours knitting and crocheting together in her living room.  Sharing stories of days gone by. She told me stories of her time growing up around Auburn, she spent many hours outside with her brothers and sisters, going to the beach and getting sunburnt. She was a beautiful red head with fair skin just like her grandson Graham.

Marj was a avid reader – She could go through one thick novel in a day all while snacking on a block on milk chocolate or eating a bag of her favorite, Twisties.

She was a devoted Mum and Grandmother. She told me about the many outings she took her grandson Graham on when he was a small boy. Trips to the zoo, train rides, and many lunches at the cafeteria across the street from the Sydney Town Hall.

I didn’t get to spend time with my grandparents as an adult and in a way I feel Marj and  I got to repeat all those beautiful outings she took her grandson on but this time with me as her adult grand daughter instead.

Marj was no stranger to more then her fair share of loss and heartache, losing her husband and then her eldest son too soon. She bravely lead her family forward, devoted to her son Craig, always there for him in good times and bad. She loved her boy and she made sure everyone knew it.

Marj had a cheeky sense of humour and in her later years became a bit of prankster. I won’t go into details because I promised her that her secrets were safe with me. But Im guessing a few people from 28 Homedale Crescent might know what im talking about.

Marj loved her Garden and went out “grub hunting” everyday. This is something her grandson enjoys doing too. She was the best great grand cat mother to our cat Kit, spoiling him on visits and feeding him his favorite moist food. He loved to sleep in her fern garden out the back.

I want to end with a story I often tell about Nan.

In 2007 Graham and I lived with Marj for a few months. I was new to Australia at the time and shocked at the amount of cockroaches that are native to Sydney.

One night while watching TV together in Marj’s living room and BIG cockroach scurried out into the center of the room. I squealed in horror.

Marj got up from her chair and said “Mary im going to teach you how to kill a cockroach”

So this is Marj’s 7 Step plan to successfully kill a cockroach.

1.     Go get the “kill spray” from the kitchen cabinet

2.     Remove your left slipper or house shoe

3.     Sneak up slowing on the cockroach, careful not to spook it.  And hover over the unsuspecting roach.

4.     Quickly with your left slipper give the roach three good smacks, and have kill spray ready.

5.     Spray the now unconscious roach with said “kill spray”

6.     Smack roach another 3 times until the desired amount of deadness has occurred.

7.     Remove the evidence and send the roach onto his new home in the Sydney sewer system.

A few nights later another cockroach appeared in the living room. Again I squealed in horror, but Marj looked at me and said. “Its your turn Mary”

I went to the kitchen and got the “kill spray” , got Marj’s left slipper then crept up on the cockroach and knelled down.  I was just about to give the roach a good smack when to my horror the cockroach spread its wings and took flight directly into my face.  I screamed in shock. I looked over at Marj who said.

“Oh yeah, I forgot to mention some of them can fly”

I love you Marj, thanks for being my friend and my Aussie Nan.

You’ll never be forgotten.

Christmas 2014

This year we spent Christmas with the Buchanan family. Due to Graham (and in the end my) work schedule we didn't arrive in Sydney until Christmas morning. I really dislike the red eye flight from Perth to Sydney. It means you only get 5 hours of sleep on a plane and for me, that means 0 hours of sleep but it was the only flight we could take so we got on it christmas gifts and fishing gear in tow.

Unfortunately my father in law was very ill on Christmas day and we didn't get to spend the day with him as we all hoped, but no one can help when they get sick. We still managed to have a nice Christmas together. It was just good to be with our family.

On Boxing Day we went and visited with Graham's Nan Marj and his biological father Craig, it was quick visit but nice to see more family and chat about good times.

On the evening of Boxing Day we started getting ready to head out (the next morning) for a week long South West Rocks vacation. We had been looking forward to another South West Rocks visit for many years. Its the town Graham's mother's parents retired in and the place Graham has many good childhood memories with his family. Unfortunately that evening I came down with the flu and by the morning my Mum in law had it too.. So the men of the family headed up to South West Rocks without the girls. It was a sad morning and the sickest I have been in a long time. It was absolutely terrible.

To make matters worse I was meant to spend the day after Boxing Day with my American friends Holly and Sam who flew in that morning from the US. In the end I could not get through to them at the airport so they spent the morning worrying about what happened to me as was meant to pick them up. It was a sad story. One I feel terrible about. Our friend Louisa who is a mutual friend of all of us was going to have me, Holly and Sam to her families home for the evening, I was too sick and had to miss out. This illness not only disrupted our families plans but the plans of 2 other families. I felt terrible on top of being sick.

Mum and I are struggled through the first day and made plans to drive up the following morning for South West Rocks a 6 hour trip north. I don't know how she did it, but my Mum rallied and drove the 6 hours with me as her suffering passenger. We arrived in South West Rocks to find the boys at our beautiful holiday rental. Everyone seemed to be in good health except for Graham who had spent the night before in hospital with terrible stomach pain. It was a nightmare start to a holiday. By that evening I was on the phone to Holly and Sam and we decided they would travel up the following day to spend 2 nights with us in South West Rocks. The next day Holly and Sam arrived and everyone in the family was feeling much better. We had made it out the other side. I was so grateful to have had time with Holly and Sam for a couple days even though our time was cute short. It was a nice start to the beach holiday.

We had a beautiful week at South West Rocks with the Buchanan family, we swam (a lot) every day, went for walks, golfed, fished, made beautiful meals, one by my bother in law Simon that was fantastic!! There was naps and playing in the pool. Presley the dog made his first appearance in his new swimsuit as a surf lifesaving dog. There was card games in the evening and the Buchanan's taught me the much loved family game of Yahtzee. We celebrated New Years in South West Rocks and watched the fireworks on TV live from Sydney. We ate fish caught by my Mum, Graham, Simon, Sam and myself! There was ice-cream every night and great wine brought by my father in law Stuart. It turned into a week of heaven and we all needed it! I can't wait till we can do it again!!

Some photos..

Mum's Christmas Tree

Me and Presley having a Christmas cuddle.

Mum Karen with Presley in his new swimsuit! 

Graham carving the turkey.

Christmas pudding came out just as she hoped!!! Perfect!! 

Christmas on the couch.

me and Marj on Boxing Day

Me and Craig

Marj and her only grandson Graham.

Mum decided Presley needed a cap to go with his new swim gear.

So she made him one, just whipped it up on the sewing machine. 

He wasn't as excited about it as we hoped. 

Wally's Folly in South West Rocks, the best holiday rental in town! Amazing! 

Mum and I arrived on a rainy day but little horseshoe bay stilled looked beautiful. 

Mum and Presley ready for the first ocean swim in his new suit! Ha!

 Holly and Sam arrived just in time to go bait fishing!! YAY! They made it!!

Bait fishing so we could go rock wall fishing in the morning! I was a successful morning!!

Simon and one of his fish!

Fishing on the wall. Holly and Sam.

We had to take Holly and Sam to our favorite beach fishing spot, little bay. Possibly one of the most beautiful bays in the world.

It was so good to have them visit us. Thank you Holly and Sam for coming so far to see us!! We miss you!! 

Relaxing on the couch. 

Yahtzee night!! New Years eve. Simon left this day to go back to Sydney. We missed him.

Presley loved the beach holiday..... but all that beach and sun made him sleepy.

He was even too tired for a silly New Years Eve photo. lol

We missed Simon after he left us in South West Rocks.

So we entertained ourselves by snoopifying him in his honour. Ha! Nice glasses on that Fish Simo!

Got to hang with my Mum in the pool and just have some girl time. 

I have a whole series of photos of Graham fishing over the years, but my favourites are all of him fishing this spot at little bay in South West Rocks.

This year we got to take Mum with us and she out fished us all!!

Mum on the left and Graham on the right. Little Bay, South West Rocks.

Dinner

Just the guys chatting on the porch.

Gosh Christmas flew by this year, this year was the year we will all remember as the "illness Christmas" but what family doest get those from time to time. Im just happy we got to spend time together and in the end enjoy a great family vacation. 

Happy New Year! Heres to 2015!!!